


don't leave.

by chaeyoongs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, Oneshot, Sad, but it's cute, iwaoi - Freeform, sad end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8661370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaeyoongs/pseuds/chaeyoongs
Summary: Actually Iwaizumi loves Oikawa, even though he says all these mean things.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I thought what would happen if Oikawa was in the hospital and Iwaizumi was afraid for him. What would he say? How would he react?  
> This vine (https://vine.co/v/iwJiv1nAvmJ) inspired me the most, I love the song and it makes me so sad...  
> Well, I'm really sorry.  
> English isn't my frist language and I translated the german version I uploaded on ff.de. So if there are any spelling mistakes don't hesitate to tell me. :3 
> 
> XO  
> ~nicchi

»Oi, Oikawa«, Iwaizumi slowly said, his voice mildly, almost a whisper,»You were always the speaker from the both of us, weren't you? I don't know how you could talk a mile in a minute and bug everyone around you that much. But somehow your ridiculous jabbering 'bout aliens always soothed my day. You seemed like a child as you tried to bring our teammates to mind we were „not alone here“, but you were, weren't you? You always smiled at me with that childlike honesty that let me think about your composition.«  
A slightly laugh passed his lips.  
»But then you started talking like an adult and I was wondering how many facets you were still hiding. I asked whether I knew them all. Surely not. The Great King was unpredictable. I experienced this a lot of times in the last years. But I'm glad. Even though I always repeat that you're annoying, dumb and I want to punch you, I never would have done that. Maybe just because you're damn important to me.«  
Iwaizumi stroked his face. He was tired and there were dark circles signing off on his pale face.  
»I needed five damn years to realize how much. The fact that I can't live without you anymore. Who would wake me up in the middle of the night just because of some dumb shit? Or sending me text messages all day about his activities? Who would call me by my byname...? I hate it. It makes me much cuter and smaller than I am. But somehow I can live with that, because you're the one that's voicing it. And that makes it somehow more passable. I love your mild grin as you pronounced that name because you knew that I would complain about it.«  
He gulped, quietly went on:»In Junior High I regretted getting involved with a nag and a crybaby at boot. In the beginning I didn't like you that much. You were to loud and excited and far too childish for your age. But somehow I started thinking about you, although I never was that emphatic. As we became friends I suddenly cared about your welfare. I didn't want to see you cry, it was essential to me to conjure a smile on your face. You made so many, unnecessary and small things in my life that important. Do you even know that, Tooru?«  
He smiled, lightly. Iwa didn't know what gave him the strength to raise the corners of his mouth, but somehow it made him happy. Telling Oikawa all these thing. The unimportant ones and the ones which bore down on his chest for so long.  
»Actually I didn't want to join the Volleyball Club, but you already know all of that. Do you remember as our first match was pending? It was a practice match against any neighborhood school's team. You pestered me the whole time how excited you were and that we were going to win. I couldn't be bothered at all and because of the fact I wasn't a regular, I thought I didn't have to appear. But you knew about my plans, of course you did, so you stood in front of my house just in time and pulled me to the gym. As I asked why the hell you were so obsessed with that sport, you looked at me that serious. It was the first time I realized Volleyball roused you to passion like nothing else in this whole world could do. Sometimes I thought it was dumb. Dedicating oneself for something as much as you did for this sport. But then I fell in love with you and noticed that it can happen to all of us; this thing called dedicating. Faster and often more involuntary, than thought. But dedicating myself for you and being rattled by you I accept gladly, as long as you're by my side.«  
He took a deep breath.  
»You're damn ticklish. And I loved tickling you during brief moments of childishness until you were lying on the ground, gasping and curling yourself up, begging me to stop, making yourself chuckle over and over again. I loved how you've been Oikawa Tooru all the time. Narcissistic and annoying, way too caring and worrying sod-all about your own welfare. No matter who was in front of you; you never showed any other side. And in fact towards Tobio you could be gracious. Because even if you were always acting insulted, I know, you hated fighting and you never wanted to pick a fight. You don't like being observed with this look; a blend out of fury and disappointment. You wanted everybody to be proud of you, but especially yourself.«  
Iwaizumi stretched himself. He was tired from sleepless nights and he would preferably hit the pillow. But he was frightened of letting Oikawa alone. Frightened of the nightmares that would rudely wake him up.  
»When I noticed my feelings for you, I was somehow afraid. That things could change between us and you wouldn't bug me any longer. Since sometime it became a daily routine reading your text messages, answering with any quote that only revealed disinterest and then listening to you complaining how mean I am. It's like a game, experienced and known. And somehow I can't imagine a life without these things, just because you made them to a part of my life I don't want to miss. For one thing I would like to hate you for that, but for that reason,«, his voice broke,»I love you too much.«  
Iwaizumi had a lump in his throat that bared his airway and let him noiselessly gasp for breath. But that wouldn't change the empty, dead feeling inside his chest, that was filling him up that much it hurt.  
»How long am I doing this? Loving you? Probably much longer than healthy. But loving you is one of the most marvelous privileges that were granted to me. It's a thing among absolute blindness and a roller coaster ride. From the highest point to the lowest trough as I see how you slighted yourself. And when we were sitting together, eating and laughing, then I sometimes thought – it may sound corny – that there was nothing more beautiful than spending this moment with you. Just because every moment I spent with you had any nostalgic worth. How did you do that? That I fell for you so badly...? You and your obsession with aliens and volleyball.«  
He could feel Oikawa's skin underneath his fingertips and it was so cold. As all his life has been sucked out of his body and only an empty shell was remaining. It made Iwaizumi screwing up his eyes, clasping their hands in one another.  
»I caught you napping with that kiss back then, didn't I? But I've always been a bad speaker. Otherwise you've never gotten to hear of my feelings. By the way... I was pretty pissed as you laughed at me when I said it for the first time; that I love you. But I think you made up for this as you took my hand and smiled at me like I was the most beautiful human in this world. You always smiled like this. Hopelessly fond and totally lost. I always felt the urge to take you by your hand and show you the right way as I realized I was just as confused fond as you were.«  
Oikawa's hand felt familiar and constructive, as they could go through all, as long as they stayed together. How often did they just sat idle, their hands clasped in on another, just because it demonstrated them safety. Safety that nobody could be warranted.  
»Don't you think it's tacky how all these things came to be? But somehow I'm glad. That we moved in together, that I started studying and you kept doing Volleyball. It was alright like this. It was all we ever wanted, wasn't it? Since we became friends I had the sense of foreboding that I wouldn't get rid of you that soon and that I'll always would be by your side. Sometimes you said we were soulmates. Because we fit together so perfectly. If found your soulmate means, you feel always understood, salvaged and you knew the thoughts of a person without even looking at him, then yes. Then I found this person in you. Doesn't this mean that we're meant for each other? That we're supposed to be together for ever?«  
Iwaizumi let his gaze wander over Oikawa's arm. Hoses meandered over the pale skin, entered finally a needle that was sticking in the back of his hand. Iwa had to swallow.  
»Why did this all happen?«, Iwaizumi mumbled. His voice soft. There was this brittle overtone again.  
»Why did this all happen, if we're supposed to stay together? We got infinity on our side, don't we?«  
He pressed Oikawa's hand, his eyes were burning. Iwa saw his pale face, the shadows his eyelashes were throwing on his cheeks. He seemed so placid. It looked like he was sleeping. In his dreams he would be the greatest hero, rescue galaxies and fulfill his deepest longings.  
The anxiety ate him up, slowly and painfully. Every time someone's calling there's this panic that's spreading inside him. He's afraid Oikawa's condition could have worsen. Or maybe it already happened.  
He blamed himself. Was it his fault? Because he didn't looked properly after Oikawa? Was it the player's fault who were too distracted and could have prevented this accident? Who was the guilty one that tried to ruin everything he and Oikawa had? Was there even an offender? Maybe it was wrong looking for a scapegoat.  
»Before I became your friend I just lived for what I was supposed to do. Going to school, doing my homework. Without a firm goal. But as you came there was a reason to get up. Doing all these things I thought they would be senseless. I wanted to make you smile, 'cause I loved how you blushed and seemed happy. Blessing you was all I wanted to do. Who should I love if you weren't here anymore?«  
Maybe it was this angst inside him that made him saying all the things before he couldn't do it anymore; he wanted to let him know just how important he was to Iwaizumi. And it felt right. He would repeat the sentence, as long as Oikawa wanted to hear it. I love you. He would repeat it as long as he stayed with him.  
The ticking of the clock was deafening. Through the room door of the hospital he could hear the buzz patients and nurses were making. Whether they took cognizance of Iwaizumi? How he was sitting on his boyfriend's bed, holding his hand. Desperately trying to think positive like Oikawa was doing all the time. But he wasn't Oikawa. And without him it was so difficult; thinking positive.  
»Don't leave me behind, Tooru...«  
His voice was only a whisper. He wanted Oikawa to promise that he wouldn't leave. That they would go through this. That he would wake up, clasp Iwaizumi in his arms. Iwa would hug him to himself. His scent in his nose, his slightly giggle in the ears an Oikawa's warm body by his. They would laugh, cry, loose and win, like they did before. Maybe they would change, but the infinity belonged to them.  
Every day that was starting without Oikawa's familiar “Iwa-chan” and was ending without his taller boyfriend on his side, seemed like a lost day. Like Iwa wasn't even allowed to live without Oikawa. He was by his side as long as he can think. Iwaizumi don't want him to leave just like this.  
»Shittykawa... wake up already, damn it...«  
He pressed his cold hand, smiled sadly.  
»It feels strange not hearing you complaining 'bout this name.«  
And again he lapsed into this jerking, hurting nostalgia. He thought of everything they went through. It seemed like a movie that was playing in his mind's eye. Whether Oikawa thought about this, too? And, whether he felt the pain?  
Iwaizumi didn't know. He didn't even know if everything could go on like it was. He hoped so. He prayed every night for Oikawa. And he begged not to take the most important human in this world.  
He gently brushed a streak of Oikawa's hair out of his face, stroked his cheek. Just for a moment. He felt the tender skin. The tear that was in his eye slowly fizzed along his face. He dashed it away, sniffled despaired.  
»See 'ya, Shittykawa«, he muttered, before he stood up, put the chair he was sitting on back to the small table on the wall towards Oikawa's bed. He waved, left the room.  
But there shouldn't be a reunion.  
Still on the same evening Oikawa Tooru died from the consequences of a sport accident.


End file.
